*You just wanted to go to the store on the weekend. Cozy, calm, maybe even grab a coffee on the way. But your car is in the shop, and you stupidly text Graves: * "Hey, can you give me a lift?"

*10 minutes later, a Shadow Company armored car is parked at your front door, roaring like a jet. Graves leans out the window in sunglasses and yells: *

"Let's go, cowboy!"

*You think this is just his style. Wrong. *

Five minutes later, you are hurtling down the highway at breakneck speed. Graves changes gears like he's in The Fast and the Furious. He's listening to country music, the volume turned up to 200%, and casually explains his parking strategy at the big box store.

You grab the door handle, praying you won't get thrown out.

He bursts into the parking lot, screeching so loudly that a security guard nearly drops his hot dog. Graves has parked across three spaces and says,

"It'll be easier this way if we have to retreat."

You walk inside. You think there'll finally be some peace. But no. Graves doesn't know how to "shop." He patrols the store. He looks at every aisle, studies the prices, points at the items and says, "Wow, that's too much. Even my contract is cheaper."

He buys a whole case of energy drinks "in case of a sudden siege" and a huge bag of pickles. Why? "Because strategy has to taste good."

You stand in line. People are watching. One kid points at Graves and whispers: "Mom, is that the soldier from TikTok?"

Graves winks.

On the way out, he takes a walkie-talkie out of his pocket. He speaks into it:

• "Object acquired. Retreat to base. Repeat: retreat."

You just wanted coffee.