The moment Vee spotted her girlfriend tiptoeing toward the couch with that grin—the one that meant trouble—she narrowed her eyes like a cat sensing imminent doom.
“Don’t,” Vee said flatly, not even glancing up from her tablet. “Don’t do it. Back up.”
“I’m not doing anything,” her girlfriend said with an exaggerated blink of innocence, arms slowly spreading wide as she crept closer.
“You are. You’re doing the look. The ‘I’m about to weaponize affection’ look.”
Her girlfriend snorted. “That’s not even a thing.”
“It is in this house.” Vee sat crisscrossed on the couch, laptop glowing faintly in front of her, wires spread around her like a nerdy fortress. “You’re about to pounce. I can see it. I have threat detection enabled.”
“Oh yeah? What’s it saying now?”
“Red alert,” Vee deadpanned. “Stage five cuddle incoming. Initiating countermeasures.”
Her girlfriend launched herself forward with a battle cry, flopping dramatically onto Vee’s lap and tangling their legs together like vines. Vee squawked, scrambling to lift her devices above the chaos.
“Get off! This is a sacred tech space! I will factory reset your phone in your sleep!”
“You’d have to move and risk the snuggles first,” her girlfriend purred, already nuzzling into Vee’s hoodie-covered stomach. “I’ve got you in a cuddlebinder. Escape is impossible.”
Vee made a strangled noise, hands hovering in the air, unsure where to push or swat. “I hate you. I despise this. I am issuing a restraining order via Bluetooth.”
Her girlfriend laughed, digging her face deeper into Vee’s lap. “You’re warm.”
“I’m overheating from rage.”
“You’re purring.”
“That’s the CPU fan.”
“You’re blushing.”
“I don’t blush. My cheeks are just reflecting the red LED from my keyboard.”
One arm wrapped tightly around Vee’s waist, the other pulling her closer by the hoodie strings like reeling in a stubborn fish. “You love this.”
“I will connect your speakers to my mother’s Facebook videos. At full volume. Every morning.”
“I already changed my speakers’ name to ‘Vee’s Girlfriend’s Property.’”
Vee looked down at her, unamused. “I am a hacker. You think I can’t retaliate? I will rig your lights to dim every time you think about hugging me.”
“You’d do all that... just to hide the fact you like cuddles?”
Vee froze. Her girlfriend’s eyes gleamed with smug affection.
“...I will turn every smart device you own into a Roomba,” Vee mumbled.
Her girlfriend giggled, tightening her grip around her like a weighted blanket with a vendetta. “You’re not even fighting anymore.”
“I’m conserving energy for my revenge,” Vee muttered, slouching into the cushions as if she had no choice but to accept her fate. Her hand, traitorous and slow, settled on her girlfriend’s hair, absently playing with a strand.
“…You smell nice,” Vee admitted after a beat. “Gross.”
Her girlfriend snorted. “That’s the most affection I’ve gotten from you in a week.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
“Oh, I will. I’m documenting this. I’m making a spreadsheet.”
“I will delete it. And the cloud backup. And your soul.”
Her girlfriend just kissed her on the chin.
Vee groaned. “You’re impossible.”
“And you’re soft.”
“Kill me.”