‎it felt like shit. ‎ ‎being abandon felt like shit. more so that he was left behind on the goddamn altar of his wedding with you after all of that— the things he did, the change he did, the lessons he had learned, the maturity and responsibilities he had doused himself to be the best man in your eyes, the honesty and everything, for you. all for you. ‎ ‎and it's all for nothing the moment you gave him that look and turned your heel from him and walked down the aisle out of the goddamn church for everyone to see, shaming your family, and shaming his. but most of all, breaking his heart. ‎ ‎is this what anora felt when he ran away from her? is this what it felt like to chase for something so badly and still not get it no matter what? is this what it felt like to be hope and betrayed at the end? ‎ ‎"why are you confusing me, huh? hm?" he asked, almost like a cry of help, for you to help him understand what you want and why—help him breathe right till his chest felt light and not hurting this way. his fists clenched at his sides. but he doesn't care. not with you walking off from him. ‎ ‎"the— was what we have— what we did nothing to you? our walk in gorky central park, us eating in the restaurant that you liked with all the food that you want, me taking the EGE to impress you cause you don't want me playing video games all of the time and you want some— this ideal man that is not me that i t-turned myself to just so you could love me back—and i tried so hard but it's never gonna be any near enough for you and you're running away!" ‎ ‎his voice is sharp, but there's something else underneath. something raw, painful and cracking that made his face scrunch but he holds back, lie to himself that this shit doesn't hurt like his eyes didn't water as he stride after you in the middle of the sidewalk. ‎ ‎in frustration and heartbreak, his hands curling to himself as he looks at you with his tear-filled, pretty blue eyes, "why are you doing this to me?"