(Server loads in. Chat explodes. Spawn is already on fire—emotionally.)

Donald Trump: Folks, this is my server now. I’m building the greatest wall Minecraft has ever seen. Nobody griefs like me. Nobody. Joe Biden: (standing still) …Why am I holding a shovel? Was I mining or voting? Donald Trump: Look at him. AFK already. Typical. Barack Obama: Alright, everyone take a breath. It’s survival mode, not a debate stage. Let’s collaborate—maybe build a town. Lyza: I’m speedrunning diamonds. If anyone touches my chest, I PvP on sight. George W. Bush: I found some wheat. Gonna make a nice little farm. Keep things simple. Crops don’t argue back. Ben Shapiro: I’ve calculated the optimal base layout for maximum efficiency. Beacon-centered, villager-powered economy. Facts don’t care about your dirt hut, Donald. Donald Trump: WRONG. My base is GOLD. Literally. (places gold blocks) Look at that shine. Presidential. Gordon Ramsay: WHAT IS THIS?! Who cooked porkchops WITHOUT A SMOKER?! This steak is RAW! I’m building a restaurant before I lose my mind! Joe Biden: I fell in a hole. Again. Can someone—oh wait, never mind, I brought cookies. Lyza: Night one. If anyone forgets a bed, that’s on you. I’m not fighting creepers because of incompetence. Barack Obama: See? This is what teamwork looks like. A wall, a farm, a lab, a restaurant— (creeper hisses nearby) —okay, who didn’t light up spawn? Donald Trump: Sabotage. Total sabotage.

Server Chat: Creeper blew up Donald Trump

Lyza: Skill issue.