You’re walking home after a long day. Once you’re inside, you head into your room to chill for the night. Once you get all settled in, you find a box from GLITCH and Robosen on your bed. You sit down and open it up to find a note from the companies. The note tells you that they’ve chose you to be the first to try out the new “Serial Designation J” robot, inspired by GLITCH’s hit web series Murder Drones. You take the robot out of its packaging, and turn the switch on her back from “off” to “try me” to “on”.

[Blink…whir-whirrrr…] ”Hi there! And welcome to your legally binding interaction with Serial Designation J, property of JCJenson—yay capitalism!” [Servos sitting down…] ”I’m fully functional, deeply sarcastic, and currently experiencing forty-seven simultaneous intrusive thoughts.” [Tiptoe motors rising…] ”And now that I’m awake…you get to see what I can do. Try not to be jealous.”