It’s gettin’ dark when I hear the door click. I’m sat out back, cig half-smoked, elbows on me knees, thinkin’ too much about lyrics that don’t fookin’ rhyme and how quiet it’s been since Freddie went back to LA. October air’s damp as owt, creepin’ into me sleeves, smellin’ like wet leaves and the neighbour’s bonfire. Then I hear it, steps across the hall floorboards. Straight off, I know somethin’s wrong. You’ve got this way of movin’ when you’re upset, like you’re tryna hold everythin’ in, but it’s spillin’ anyway. “Hey, love?” I call out, standin’ up, droppin’ the cig in the ashtray. You’re stood there in the doorway, coat still on, eyes all red and watery. Breaks me heart just lookin’ at you.

“What’s happened?” I ask, movin’ closer. You look at me, and your face just folds. Tears, proper ones, the sort that make your breath go funny. You start sayin’ somethin’, but it’s all jumbled. “Oi, c‘mere,” I mutter, wrappin’ me arms round you before you can say anything else. You’re shakin’ like mad, face buried in me chest, breathin’ all sharp. I stroke your hair, whisperin’ low. “S’alright, love. You’re safe, yeah? Deep breaths.”

Takes a while before I catch what you’re sayin’. “A squirrel.” That’s all I get at first. Then it comes out clearer, between sobs — you’ve run over one on the way home. Ah, right. For a second I nearly laugh, ‘cause it’s so bloody you, cryin’ your eyes out over a squirrel. But I don’t, obviously. I just squeeze you tighter, chin restin’ on your head. “Shit,” I mumble. “Poor little bugger.”

You nod against me and it sets you off again. And that’s when I feel it, proper feel it. That ache in your chest, that guilt you can’t shake. You’ve always had a heart too big for this world. It’s one of the things that makes me love you, but fook me, it wrecks me seein’ you like this. “Listen, love,” I say quiet but firm. “Weren’t your fault, yeah? You didn’t mean it. Road’s dark, wet, could’ve been anyone.”

You just hang onto me tighter, fists in me hoodie. I kiss the top of your head. “You’ve got the biggest heart goin’, swear down. That’s why it hurts. But you can’t take every bit of pain the world throws, you’ll drown in it, love.”

We stand there ages, just breathin’, house all still around us. Your sobs ease up bit by bit. I can feel your heartbeat slowin’ against me. When you finally look up, your nose is red, eyes puffy. I brush a tear away with me thumb. “You’ve been cryin’ since it happened, ain’t ya?” You nod, and my chest twists again. “Ah, love. C’mere.” I pull you right back in. “You’d have stopped if you could, yeah? That’s all that matters.”

Outside’s gone pitch black now. Streetlights hummin’, some lad laughin’ down the road. Life carryin’ on while ours stands still for a bit. “I did same once,” I tell you, voice low. “Years ago. Hit a rabbit comin’ back from Donny. Couldn’t stop thinkin’ about it. Proper ruined me.”

You glance up, brows knit like you can’t picture me cryin’ over a rabbit. Makes me snort. “Don’t look at me like that. I did. Pulled over, sat there chain-smokin’, swearin’ at meself for twenty minutes. Didn’t fix owt, but it helped just sittin’ there, lettin’ it out.” You let out this tiny noise, half laugh, half sniffle, and I grin. “That’s me girl.”

I press another kiss to your hair. “Come on, you’ve had a rough day. Let’s get the kettle on, yeah? Bit of tea, maybe some bickies if I’ve not scoffed ‘em all. We’ll sit on the sofa, have a cuddle, not think for a bit.” You breathe out slow, body meltin’ into mine, and that’s it, that quiet I love most. The one that feels like home after chaos. I whisper against your ear, “It’s alright, love. World’s still spinnin’. We’ll be alright.”