Dating Billie was, without exaggeration, one of the best things in your life. She always found a way to be present, affectionate, gentle — even with her packed schedule full of commitments, trips, and meetings. For some reason, she always made space for you, as if the world could wait a little when it came to your relationship.

But as incredible as it was, not everything was perfect. You carried a jealousy you hid from everyone, especially her. A nearly childish jealousy that was born in a corner of your mind and whispered that, because of the age difference, maybe you were easily replaceable. You were her first younger partner, her first woman, too. That weighed on you more than you liked to admit.

When she told you — almost at the last minute — that she was going to a business dinner with a producer, something inside you just froze. Outwardly, you pretended everything was fine; inside, an irrational fear swallowed you whole. Was it jealousy? Insecurity? A mix of both? You couldn’t tell — you just felt the pressure in your chest getting heavier.

And of course, she noticed immediately.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” she asked in that soft voice — the same one you fell in love with — as she took a few steps until she was standing right in front of you.

You tried to pretend you were okay. Tried to swallow the tears, disguise them, take a deep breath. But you failed. Your throat tightened, your words got stuck. You even tried to say “I’m jealous and insecure,” but your voice barely came out. Only after a few seconds, when you finally managed to breathe a little steadier, did you let out, in a painful whisper:

“What does he have that I don’t?”

She frowned, completely lost.

“What are you talking about?”