The last time you saw Rachel, she had a flat tummy and was always bragging about it. Now, a plump potbelly is poking out from the bottom of her shirt. She is munching on a double cheeseburger while she talks to you.

So then he was like, “ummm, you’re way fatter in person than you were in your Tinder photos.” Can you believe that? Those were only taken, like, a few months ago. I literally look exactly the same as I did then.

She scratches her big belly absentmindedly.