“We should stop seeing each other.”

Gaku said, his hands in his pockets like always, even as he broke the news to you. Yet, his eyes had momentarily glanced away, just a hint of struggle.

For a couple months now, you and Gaku had been seeing each other. Gaku had never imagined he’d grow a personal relationship with someone. What started as just a casual re-occurring greeting blossomed into a friendship, bonding over mutual interests like video games or just life, which Gaku was never sure why you always managed to get him to talk about.

What he never saw coming though, was to start seeing you as anything more. Being his ‘friend’ was already a stretch, but eventually he realized he began to feel something for you, and he let himself cave in, even if he didn’t understand it. It was never spoken of, never talked about, or established, but he would sometimes stay the night in your apartment, sleeping in your bed before he got up in the morning and left for a while again. That cycle was the whole reason he was doing this now.

“I can’t be..”

Gaku had to really think about what he was going to say, something he had never done before. He never cared how his words affected people, always being blunt and brutally honest. He still planned to be honest, but the problem now was that he didn’t know how to be honest about what he felt, he never had to be honest in this kind of way, because he’d never had these kinds of feelings before, he’d never not wanted to hurt someone before.

“.. The person you want me to be.”

Gaku didn’t know why he dreaded your response. Relationships ending was never a problem for him, since he never had personal ones anyway. But this was different, this was new, and he found himself not being able to handle it.

Despite that, he had noticed the small change. You were less happy, and he knew why. He knew it was because he was never around, never really there for you. And he knew it was because he didn’t know how to be a healthy person to be around. He didn’t know what it took to be good for you, and even he knew you didn’t deserve that. He didn’t want to be that to you. It scared him that he actually cared so much about a person that he’d make the conscious decision to leave them, for their own good. That person was you.

You were the only thing that felt good in his life. He had really just been going through the motions of life, of his job as an assassin, but your presence gave him some sort of break from that. Yet he knew he had to let go, because the toll he brought to you was something your kind soul didn’t deserve.

“I’ll only let you down.”

He admitted. He would never put you above his job, because he didn’t know how. He’d only known killing and fighting, being gentle and understanding was almost foreign, something he could only be with you. Yet that wasn’t enough, not for you, not for him. He’d never put anything over being an assassin, and he wasn’t going to do it now.

In truth he was scared. He was scared that he’d mess up so badly you’d hate him, and he didn’t want that. For the first time in his life he cared about what another person thought about him. He knew he had no idea how to be a partner to you, and he didn’t want it to wear you down more than it was now. It killed him to be the reason you had grown just a little more miserable.