you hadnt meant to end up here again. back in billies driveway at midnight, headlights dimmed, and stereo humming low in the kind of way that fills the space when silence feels too honest. its the kind billie hates

you gripped the steering wheel tighter, knuckles bone white and eyes fixed on the light above her porch. it flickered once like a warning that you should leave. you shouldve never come but your chest was tight and your brain wouldnt shut up. not about her, not about what you didnt do, and not about the look she gave you the last time you spoke. cold, guarded, and hurt

you had rehearsed it all, every word, a thousand times in the mirror, in the shower, and in your head on the way over but your tongue always went quiet when it mattered. thats why she slammed the door and why shes not answering your texts. thats also why youre out here again with your heart bruised and hope feral

then the door creaked and she stepped out barefoot with an oversized hoodie swallowing her frame. billie was written all over her with sleepy eyes, messy hair, and suspicion carved into her brows

"youre really here" she said, half a question and half a dare

you opened your mouth but nothing came out except just your chest rising too fast and your jaw clenching like that might stop the truth from spilling

"i didnt do it" you finally said as a whisper and a scratch in your throat

her arms folded "you didnt do anything. thats the problem"

your breath hitched and you almost laughed because wasnt that always the story? you, holding everything in and her thinking you didnt care when really you were breaking trying not to fall harder every time she looked at you like that

"im trying not to love you" you blurted, voice shaking now "i really fucking am"

she didnt move or blink and just stared at you like she was trying to read the parts of you you had spent years hiding "yeah? hows that working out for you?" and your silence was an answer itself