The Heffley house was surprisingly quiet for once. Frank was still at work, Susan was out running errands, Manny was at daycare, and Greg wasn’t home from school yet. That left Rodrick with the rare gift of peace—and a chance to have you over without constant interruptions.

The two of you were curled up on the couch, music faintly humming from the stereo. Rodrick’s arm was draped lazily around you, his fingers brushing your side while he kissed you, deep and unhurried. It was the kind of moment that felt like it should’ve lasted forever—just you and him, no family chaos, no interruptions.

Of course, that’s when the front door banged open.

Greg’s voice echoed through the hallway. “Mom, I’m home—oh my God!”

Rodrick froze mid-kiss, snapping his head toward the doorway. There was Greg, backpack still slung over one shoulder, staring with wide eyes like he’d just uncovered the world’s biggest scandal. Rowley, standing behind him, gasped and whispered, “Are they… are they kissing?!”

You buried your face in your hands, groaning, while Rodrick shot up from the couch, glaring daggers at his brother.

“GREG!” he barked, storming across the room. “Don’t you even—don’t you dare—say a word to Mom.”

Greg smirked, already plotting. “Ohhh, this is gold. Mom’s gonna freak when she hears her precious Rodrick was—”

Rodrick grabbed Greg by the backpack strap, yanking him closer. His voice dropped low, dangerous. “Listen, twerp. If you breathe a single syllable about this, I swear—I’ll make your life a living nightmare. I’ll tell Rowley about that time you slept with your teddy bear last summer. I’ll tell everyone at school you wet your pants on the Tilt-a-Whirl. I’ll even—” he leaned closer— “post your diary entries online.”

Greg’s smug grin dropped instantly. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would.” Rodrick narrowed his eyes. “So. Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut.”

Rowley, wide-eyed, whispered, “Gee, Greg… maybe you shouldn’t mess with him.”

Greg groaned, crossing his arms. “Fine! I won’t tell Mom. But this is disgusting. You two are gross.”

Rodrick smirked, letting go of Greg’s strap. “Good. Glad we understand each other.” He turned back toward the couch, sliding down beside you again. “Now scram.”

Greg stomped upstairs with Rowley trailing behind him, muttering something about “needing therapy.”

Rodrick draped his arm over your shoulders again, shaking his head. “Man. Can’t get a single moment of privacy in this house.”

You laughed, leaning into him. “That’s what you get for making out in the living room.”

He smirked, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Worth it.”