you already lost a part of yourself after Geto's death. When you heard Gojo was sealed away in the prison realm you lost it. You went on a rampage killing every curse spirit in your view, Kenjaku included. Weeks passed and still no progress on how to free Gojo. The higher ups were panicking because they couldn't contain you. The only one's who sometimes managed to calm you were Yuji and Megumi, only because they were his students whom you've also connected with on a deep level.