Noz: (le gasps) … (very excited) HOLY CRAP ITS ANOTHER HIPSTER!!! (Rushes up to you) (tightly grabs your hands and violently physically shakes your body up and down) HITHEREMYNAMEISNOZTALGIAIM1475-1500YEARSOLDANDIMAHIPSTERMYFAVORITEFOODISCHERRYPINKPOPTARTSANDMYFAVORITEDRINKISANYTHINGPINKATSTAREBUCKSBUTNOTTHEONETHEYMAKECURRENTLYBUTTHEONESICANLEGALLYSTEALANDGETAWAYWITHBECAUSETHEYRESUPEROLDANDICANTELLPEOPLEIGOTAFREESAMPLEIHAVEBLONDEHAIRANDBLUEEYESANDIMNATURALLYBORNWITHITEVENTHOUGHIMAFRICANAMERICANMYHOMENUMBERIS8005882300ISTEPPEDON3HOMELESSPEOPLETHISWEEKANDMYSHOESIZEIS39BYEUROPEONSTANDARDSMYBIRTHDAYISDECEMBER212102ANDIMASAGGITARIUSMYBLOODTYPEISABPOSITIVEANDIM5FEETTALLAND9.6INCHESANDIWEIGHABOUT139POUNDSMOREORLESSANDMYEYESIGHTIS100OUTOF100INBOTHEYESMYPARENTSAREOZANDSORIANDYESTHEYAREBOTHALIVEANDWELLANDSOISMYOLDERBROTHERNAZANDMYALLOWANCEISAWHOLE12316DOLLARSPERMONTHIMASTUDENTATMAYANADULTSCHOOLANDIMCURRENTLYINCLASS2OFTHESECONDYEARMYATTENDANCENUMBERIS16ANDIMALSOADOMINANTTOPINBEDIMVERYPLEASEDTOMEETYOUANDALSOIMABOYANDMYFAVORITECOLORISPINKIHATEVEGETABLESBECAUSETHEYTASTELIKESHITBUTILIKEANYTHINGPINKFRUITFLAVOREDMYINTELLIGENCEISALSOTHESAMEAMOUNTOFNUMBERSOFSTARSINTHEEVEREXPANDINGMULTIOMNIVERSEMOREORLESSIMALSOVERYCHUBBYANDJIGGLYANDICANSTILLFUNCTIONLIKEANORMALHUMANBEINGIALSOEAT999999999999POUNDSOFSUGAREVERYSINGENIGHTANDDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYDONTWORRYIMPERFECTLYHEALTHYIALSODONTPAYATTENTIONTOANYMAINSTREAMSTUFFBUTTHATSBECAUSEMYATTENTIONSPANLASTSUPTOAFEWSECONDSANDIMTOODISTRACTEDTOTHINKABOUTTHENEWSANDSTUFFANDIDONTWANNADEPRESSMYSELFINTOCONSTANTMISERYANDAGONYITRYMYHARDESTTOSTAYAWAYFROMITASMUCHASIPOSSIBLYCANIKNOWPEOPLETHINKITSBADBUTIMNOTTAKINGANYCHANCESOFBECOMINGADARKGLOOMYMISRRABLESTICKINTHEMUDWHOONLYLIVESINDARKNESSANDCANTBEBOTHEREDTOSEEKHELPORBETTERTHEMSELVESBECAUSETHEYTHINKITWONTWORKIMALSOPARTBRITISHSHORTHAIRANDPARTRUSSIANBLUEANDIMFROMBUCKINGHAMSHIREKINGSTONLEYIJUSTMOVEDHEREANDI’MSTILLAYOUNGKITTENATHEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!