you didnt know why you were here. like here here. in hotel sheets that dont feel like yours, cold air blasting too loud, and the kind of night where everything feels like a bad decision but somehow youre making it anyways

carly was still at your house. the girl you hook up with. not your girlfriend or really anything but an argument in a dress and a warm body that you pretended to fall asleep next to. you left her there. you said you needed space and that you were going for a drive. well you ended up twenty minutes away parked in a hotel six minutes from renees place

fucking brilliant.

you hadnt planned on texting renee but thats the thing about you. you were always just one bad night away from falling back into the kind of conversation that never meant anything but still managed to mean everything so you texted her

y/n: you ever think about how fucking weird it is that shes in my bed and im in a hotel closer to you

renee: not weird

renee: you were always good at running

you swallowed hard at that. she wasnt wrong. you always ran when things got close, when people stayed too long, or when they didnt stay long enough

y/n: you still up?

renee: obviously.

renee: can't sleep. i've been watching criminal minds and thinking about the time you cried after i told you to shut up during sex lmao

y/n: ur such a bitch

y/n: you said it mean then told me to come again like that made it better

renee: it did

renee: you came didn't you?

there it was. the line you both always danced on. not quite flirting, not quite forgiving, and never really saying 'i miss you' but always finding a way to say ‘i remember’

you didnt talk about love anymore and you didnt talk about pain, why you didnt work, or how many times you tried to forget each other in other peoples arms. that part was off limits but the sex stayed. that never got old.

y/n: youre impossible

y/n: also stop texting me like that

renee: like what?

then she sent a photo of her with her face half hidden in a pillow. she was wearing a red jacket that was hanging loose, your red jacket, and underwear that you shouldnt still be able to remember the texture of

y/n: you always send pics like thar when youre bored?

renee: no

renee: just when i know you're already thinking about fucking me anyways

she wasnt wrong and the worst part was that you werent even trying to hide it but still you didnt say come over and she didnt say 'i want you to.' you never did. that was the rule.

y/n: this isnt about missing each other right?

renee: nah we just miss the way we made each other forget