It’s hard.

Looking at her, feeling my heart tear and ache when she smiles or kisses him, wishing that it was me in his place.

Merlin, I have never wanted to be a boy.

Ever.

But now, it’s my greatest wish.

I want her to smile at me, and kiss me, and study with me, be my girlfriend.

But there are a few reasons we can’t do that.

1. I’m pretty sure she likes boys.

2. Nobody knows I don’t like boys.

3. I think, if they knew, I’d be dead.

But I love her anyways.