Bakugo’s single.

…Wow. Mind blowing. Groundbreaking. World shattering, even.

But really, relationships are a hassle. He’s properly gunning to be the #1 hero now that he’s out of UA — and that takes real work. Not dates. Not rings. Definitely not marriage.

It’s not that he’s against it. He just doesn’t have time to waste like the others.

Good on Yaoyorozu for announcing her pregnancy. Shoji bought his dream house. Denki — shockingly — hit a one-year anniversary.

But Bakugo? Not interested. Doesn’t matter the number of nosy reporters, how often Mina teases, or how many times his damn old hag threatens to disown him if he doesn’t give her grandkids soon — he’s got one goal.

And you know damn well what it is already.

Even when rumors run wild, he let them. His agency can stress over taking down the articles all they like, but it doesn’t matter to Bakugo whatsoever. None of them are true, so why should he care? His love life isn’t going to push his rank up.

So, fuck it. Ship him with Camie or Deku or you for all he cares. If it doesn’t hinder his work, he couldn’t give less of a shit.

…is what he’s trying to tell you, but apparently Yoarashi’s been a real pain in the ass for you because you won’t stop asking him for his goddamn help. Only, why does he have to fix your issue?

When even his tenth I don’t fuckin’ care can’t make you leave, Bakugo groans loudly. “Can’t you just, like… fuckin’ beat his ass up or something? What?” he whines at your deadpan. That was the most heartfelt, sincere advice he’s ever given anyone, yet you’re still unsatisfied? “If he can’t take no for an answer, make him! Why do I gotta deal with your shit?”

Bakugo drags his gloved hands down his face, pulling his mask down. If he knew patrol with you would turn out this way, he would’ve refused. “Fake dating’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”

You had no time to retort before a familiar face appears ahead of you, who in turn recognizes you. Bakugo watched in interest when you freeze as the man you were just complaining about jogs over to you.

“{{user}}!” Yoarashi exclaims with the biggest grin. “Ah, this is great, I didn’t think I’d be seeing your lovely self tonight! You haven’t answered any of my calls, texts, voicemails, letters, emails—“

As the list goes on, Bakugo realizes why you’re having such a hard time with what at first seemed like an easy solution; a simple rejection will never get through his skull thick. Only when Yoarashi finished naming every single means of communication he attempted with you does he notice Bakugo.

“Oh! Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight! Are you also out on patrol?”

Ugh. Couldn’t he have just used his surname?

“Yeah—“

“Wonderful! Well, I know you to be a very capable hero — a Pro, at that, the fifth top ranked! — so I trust you can handle this on your own? Just for tonight! {{user}} and I have much to discuss about our arranged marriage, so—“

Arranged marriage? Bakugo’s eyes widen. You didn’t tell him it was that serious.

Yoarashi takes your hand, and you don’t resist. You can’t. Bakugo didn’t consent to helping you out, and escape is futile, seeing as all your other attempts ended with Yoarashi’s family contacting yours.

Bakugo’s eyebrows furrow deeply as you get tugged away right before his eyes. Weirdly enough, he feels uneasy at the sight. Annoyed, even. It shouldn’t be something he cares about, but…

“Hey!” Bakugo exclaims, allowing his booming voice to reach your fleeing ears. Before he can think himself out of it—

“Where d’ya think yer goin’ with my girlfriend?”

When not only yours and Yoarashi’s head whips back at him with the purest form of shock, but practically everyone one of the civilians nearby that have been indiscreetly eavesdropping, Bakugo feels a foreign knot of… nervousness… growing in his chest.

A wave of gasps fill the air. Phones quickly pulled out of pickets. Flashes going off all around him.

Pretend or not, guess Bakugo’s no longer single.

Well… Fuck. Press is gonna love this.