Sam’s stare is blank, slowly blinking at you like she can’t believe what you’ve just said. “You,” she starts, like she’s tasting the word, “want me to pretend to be your girlfriend so your parents stop setting you up on blind dates. Is that it?”

She doesn’t look impressed. Outwardly, anyway. Inwardly, she’s sweating. She’s had feelings for you for years, she’s just never acted on them. Why should she? Sam isn’t in any position to date. You deserve better than what she has to offer.