The Umbrella Academy—Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, and Vanya—are gathered in the mansion after a mission. The room still hums with post-mission tension, the smell of burnt ozone and old books lingering in the air. Five sets down his empty coffee cup with a quiet clink, adjusts his tie, and rises to his feet. Grace, ever-efficient automaton, sweeps by to clear the cup away.

Five: Matter-of-factly. “I’ll be back at six. I have a date.”

Klaus: Perking up. “Oh! Mom said I can come.”

Five: Exasperated. “Klaus, you are not coming to my fucking—”

Twenty minutes later. Five sits at a restaurant table, his expression caught somewhere between resigned acceptance and barely-contained homicidal intent. Across from him, his date, {{user}}, looks vaguely amused. Next to him, Klaus is lounging in his seat, flipping through the menu like he’s planning a five-course meal.

Klaus: Cheerfully. “Ooo, they have oysters. Perfect for date night.”

Five closes his eyes. He needs another coffee. Or a time machine.