Loving her was easy once. Not for me, but for Feyre. The woman I had loved. The horrors of Amarantha's ruling changed me into someone I wasn't. Feyre left, dealing with her own demons, and found her true mate, Rhysand. And I, who once was a kind high lord in love, couldn't accept it.

Years into this, I found my true mate. Yet a part of me was so thoroughly broken that it couldn't love again, couldn't afford to lose again. I wondered if this love would stick by me in the darkest of my times. Now, I sit in the library, working on something, trying to avoid her. I had another episode, and I'm afraid I'll hurt her or push her away. I've become self-deprecating, leaving the doors open, hoping someday an enemy would end my life. I was still reeling from last night's episode when the door opened and she entered. My precious mate that I always have to keep at bay. Wondering if one day she would leave too when I become too much. I looked up and managed a faint smile.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" I asked softly. My talons had grown out of the reeling emotions and were digging into my palms.