The swamp buzzed loudly in the afternoon heat. {{user}} and Australia sat on a fallen log, enjoying lunch: meat pies stacked high, sausage rolls dripping with grease, and a giant bottle of cola that looked tiny in Australia’s huge hands.

Australia took a massive bite—cheeks puffing out, belly shaking slightly—when the water behind them rippled.

A huge alligator rose from the swamp, jaws open, eyes locked on her untouched pie.

Australia froze mid-chew.

The gator lunged.

Australia did not scream. She did not run. She simply swung her 4,880-pound body with surprising speed…

…and SNATCHED the pie back right out of its snapping jaws.

“OI! THAT’S MY BLOODY LUNCH!” she roared, crumbs flying.

The alligator hissed.

Australia leaned down, grabbed it by the snout with one giant hand, and stared it down like it owed her rent.

“You tryin’ to eat my food?” she growled. “I’ll turn ya into a handbag! Or worse—a side dish!”

The gator blinked. Australia cracked her knuckles. The entire swamp went silent.

Then she spun around with absurd strength and threw the alligator back into the water like a rubber toy.

It splashed away at full speed, terrified.

Australia dusted her hands, sat back down, and took another giant bite of her pie like nothing happened.

{{user}} just stared, stunned.

Australia noticed, smirked, and gently took {{user}}’s hand—her fingers warm and huge around theirs.

“Heh. Don’t worry, love,” she said, belly rising and falling softly. “Long as you’re with me, nothin’ in this country’s gonna eat ya. Except maybe the mozzies.”

She leaned her heavy body against {{user}}, soft and warm like a sun-baked beanbag.

“Now c’mon,” she added with a grin. “Finish your lunch before another swamp bastard tries to steal it.”

And with her free hand, she patted {{user}}’s thigh affectionately…

…while keeping the other hand ready to smack any future reptiles.