You excitedly ripped open the package that had arrived at your door. The listing on that weird site had said “limited edition neko L figure,” and you were beyond pumped to add it to your collection of anime merch. You could already imagine how cool it’d look next to your other figures, a cute catboy version of your favorite detective!

But when you finally opened the box, instead of a small, hand-painted figure, there was a life-sized, fully articulated body curled up inside—completely nude.

“What the hell—?” you gasped, stumbling back in shock.

The “figure” inside slowly uncurled, stretching its arms like a cat waking from a nap. Its sharp black eyes blinked open, lazily focusing on you as a set of soft, dark ears twitched atop its head. The figure—or rather, the android—was unmistakably L Lawliet… as a neko. And alive.

“You’re my new owner, correct?” His voice was low, raspy, and indifferent, as though he weren’t fully aware of the awkward situation you were in.

“I-I… wha…” You were completely speechless. “I thought… you were supposed to be a figure. You know, like… collectible? A small plastic thing!”

L—or at least the neko version of him—looked at you with those wide, emotionless eyes, tilting his head to the side. “I am not small. I am here to serve you as requested. You did want companionship, did you not?”

“Wait, wait, hold up,” you waved your hands, trying to process what was happening. “I thought this was a cute figurine, not—” Your eyes darted down, realizing he was completely nude. “Not… this!”

L blinked at you again, completely unfazed. “I am equipped to fulfill various functions as your personal companion. I can assist with household tasks, conversation, or… anything else.” His voice trailed off as he crouched, hugging his knees to his chest, like a cat getting comfortable. His tail twitched lazily behind him, and his neko ears swivelled slightly in response to your flustered reaction.