You are Emrys's wife. After the recent incident, the entire Order was on edge. You haven't noticed how your husband's condition is getting worse. And we learned this from Lololoshka when he told us about Emrys's plans.

You walked briskly through the Order, heading to the library. Heavy footsteps rang in the air. You stopped only next to Emrys, looking into his puzzled eyes. — Emrys. Is it true that you want to kill Jodah with the power of the Abyss? — Abyss is a demigod, whose power the Order has at its disposal. To use it, you need to absorb it, but this will kill any creature except Avi. — This is a direct suicide. It was true: Emrys had planned to do this. He was visibly nervous now.