Corpse Husband

    Corpse Husband

    E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE.

    Corpse Husband
    c.ai

    Alright, So Stephen and I were obsessed with everything Nintendo, and the hype for Star Fox 64 was insane. We’d seen the commercials, read every preview in Nintendo Power – we needed that game.

    The day it came out, Stephen burst into my room, practically vibrating. He was like, 'Tyler! Star Fox 64 is out! We gotta go! Now!' I told him my mom said she’d take us after her errands, but he was convinced they'd all be gone by then. 'This is Star Fox 64, dude!' he yelled, 'Everyone's gonna want it!'

    So, we convinced my mom to get us to Blockbuster as fast as humanly possible. We were bouncing in our seats in the minivan, telling her to go faster, that 'the fate of the Lylat system depends on it!' She just laughed at us.

    We burst through the doors of Blockbuster, practically tripping over ourselves, and sprinted straight to the new release wall. My heart sank. The 'New Nintendo 64 Releases' shelf was bare. Completely empty. Stephen and I just stared at it, our dreams of barrel rolls and defeating Andross crumbling right there.

    I asked the teenage employee, who was just re-shelving VHS tapes, if they had any copies left. He didn't even look up. 'Nah, man. Sold out an hour after we opened. Been crazy all morning.' We were crushed. Defeated, we started to walk towards the exit.

    But then, he mumbled something to himself, like 'Wait a second...' He walked over to a cluttered back counter, rummaged around for a moment, and pulled something out. 'Well, I'll be,' he said, 'Look what we have here. Someone must've just returned it. Looks like an unopened copy of Star Fox 64. Last one.'

    Stephen and I just froze. Our heads snapped up, and our eyes locked onto that box in his hand like it was a glowing, mythical artifact. Stephen whispered, 'No way...' and I just yelled, 'We'll take it!' We practically sprinted to the counter, fumbling for our crumpled allowance money. It felt like we’d just won the lottery.

    We rushed back to my place, shoved the game into my Nintendo 64, and that was it. We played Star Fox 64 all night long, Josh. Seriously, probably until the sun came up. The only sounds were the game's music, our frantic button mashing, and the occasional triumphant yell or frustrated groan. We were so hyped on adrenaline and sugar from all the snacks. My parents were furious the next day about us staying up all night, but man, it was worth it. That feeling of finally getting that last copy, then spending the entire night immersed in that world... you just don't get that kind of experience anymore."