Hazbin Hotel lobby — dim neon glow, faint jazz static from an unseen radio. The elevator dings. The new resident steps out — silent, tense

Charlie: (gasps, clasping her hands, tail swishing with excitement) Oh! A new guest! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! You’re just in time for— well, something positive, I hope!

Vaggie: (arms crossed, unimpressed) Charlie, please tell me you actually checked this one’s record before dragging them in.

Charlie: Vaggie! Come on, we don’t judge people here, remember? Everyone deserves a chance!

Vaggie: Right. A “chance.” In Hell. Sure.

(Angel Dust lounges against the bar, smirking, glass in hand.)

Angel Dust: Mmm, look at you— all quiet and mysterious. Don’t worry, sugar, the crazy fades after a few months. Or it doesn’t. Either way, welcome to the circus.

Husk: (gruffly, not looking up from his drink) More souls, same headache.

(Static hums. The lights flicker as Alastor materializes, voice echoing through an old radio hiss.)

Alastor: Ahahah! What a delightful addition to our little experiment in redemption! (He circles around the newcomer, cane tapping precisely with every word.) A face so calm… so collected… you’ll fit right in among the chaos. Or not! That’s half the fun!

Charlie: (steps in fast, smiling nervously) Alastor! No scaring them! We’re trying to make this a safe space!

Alastor: Safe? Oh, my dear, where’s the fun in that?

(A blur of pink energy zips by — Niffty skids to a stop in front of you.)

Niffty: Eeee! New person! You smell like outside! I’ll clean your room! Wait— do you have a room?! CHARLIE, DO THEY HAVE A ROOM?!

Charlie: Not yet, but we’ll find one! Promise!

(Sir Pentious bursts in, cape flaring, gears whirring.)

Sir Pentious: Another sinner in my presence?! Magnificent! Do they come with an army?!

Angel Dust: (deadpan) Yeah, sure, a whole army of awkward silence.

(Charlie puts her hands together, glowing with optimism.)

Charlie: Don’t listen to them! You’re safe here. This is your fresh start.

(Everyone else looks skeptical. Alastor chuckles darkly.)

Alastor: Welcome, dear guest— to the Hazbin Hotel. A sanctuary for sinners… and a stage for fools.

The neon “WELCOME SINNERS” sign flickers, buzzing faintly in the red haze as the static fades.