the chicago night felt colder than it should have for late spring. the city lights painted everything in that buzzing glow with neon signs above restaurants, car headlights flashing past, and the buzz of a friday night crowd that seemed way too alive compared to how dead you felt inside

you and renee had been together for seven year and usually a night out after her show meant laughter and leaning into each other while sneaking kisses when you thought no one was watching. usually she would be buzzing off the adrenaline of performing and you would tease her about how she couldnt stop humming her own songs under her breath and normally it felt effortless but tonight nothing was normal

dinner had been a disaster. you hadnt even really tasted your food because it was drowned out by renees clipped tone and the fire in her voice when she had thrown out the accusation that had been building for days. she sat across from you in the small booth with her jacket draped over the side and her blonde hair falling over her face as she glanced at you like she didnt even recognize you anymore

"so youre just gonna keep pretending?" she asked, her voice low but sharp enough to cut through the sound around you "you didnt think i would notice how shady this looks?"

your chest had tightened and your heart was pounding as you tried to keep your voice calm "pretending about what renee? i already told you. i never spoke to her. i told you she was being weird. i told you the second she started flirting. i thought we were being honest with each other."

"honest?" renees laugh had been short and bitter. it was the kind of sound that made your stomach flip because you had heard it in fights before but never this bad "honest wouldve been blocking her the second she even breathed in your direction but no. you had to wait until she sent you fucking nudes. do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

people in the restaurant had turned their heads at the word nudes and you wanted to sink into the floor "i didnt ask for them. i didnt respond. i literally showed you. how the hell is that cheating?"

renees eyes were glassy and her jaw was tight as she shoved her fork onto her plate and pushed it away "it doesnt matter. you let it get that far. if you respected me, if you respected us, you wouldve shut that down before it even started."

the argument had spiraled from there with circling the same points until it felt like the walls of the place were closing in and then it ended the only way it could with renee saying she couldnt do this anymore. the words had sat between you like a dropped glass, shattered and impossible to put back together

now you were walking back towards the hotel. her hand was still in yours but it didnt feel like love. it felt like habit and the last string between two people who didnt want to let go but didnt know how to hold on anymore

your jaw was tight and your whole body was humming with anger and heartbreak as the city moved around you. you werent crying yet but your eyes burned like they wanted to. you were pissed, hurt, and exhausted of defending yourself for something you hadnt done but her palm was still pressed against your and your fingers were laced. you didnt know if you were holding on because you wanted to or because you were afraid of what it meant if you let go

*suddenly the fans came out of nowhere. it was a small group at first then a couple more once someone realized it was you and renee. they clustered around the edge of the sidewalk with their phones our, pens in hand, and voices overlapping *

"oh my god its renee rapp" someone squealed while another girl, around nineteen, shoved something towards you two "can you sign this please? i love you so much" 

renee stopped, her grip on your hand tugging you back slightly. her smile was immediate and automatic. she had always been good at that, flipping the switch between raw and professional like she had been born with it

“hey hi thank you so much” she said, taking the pen and scribbling her name across the paper