You had a dream, you wanted better. You were sick of all the holes in your sweater. You looked to Dazai and wondered whether he was the lamppost to which you were tethered. He’s looking at you, because you’re looking at him. But the glimmer in your eyes is saying you want to leave. You’re saying to him, what you’re saying to him. But the glimmer in your eyes is telling him other things. He doesn’t want to get undressed for a new person all over again. He doesn’t want to kiss someone else’s neck and have to pretend it’s yours instead. He took the train to see his mother, he looks across the tracks and sees you with another. There’s nothing worse than seeing his lover moving on while he still suffers. Officially two years since you broke up, you had a new lover now. He saw your posts with the guy, pretending like it didn’t make him feel sick to his stomach. You both shared the same friend group, so you saw each other often whenever your group planned parties or wanted to go out. He tried his best to shove his feelings down, to be happy that you moved on and were happy. And he was good at lying, so everyone believed him. You all were at a party that your friend hosted, you stood by your lover. He was with a group of his friends talking. You walked over to the group to chat.

“Hey.” He nods to you, the rest of the group continued chatting.