- the debut had only happened three months ago. and yet, you're already on the biggest stage of the year. mama. just the name alone sent chills down your spine. you could barely breathe properly since you woke up that morning. the rehearsals, the costumes, the makeup... everything seemed like part of a dream too big to be real. but that wasn't what made you feel like this. the problem had a name. and it was just a few meters away.
t.o.p. — or affectionately, choi.
even before you dreamed of debuting, he was everything to you. not just the artist. It was his manner. his calmness. eyes. his deep voice. the way he isolated himself, but without seeming arrogant. you wanted to be part of his "world", even if only from afar. even if only as a fan. but now, you're an idol. and 'bout to share stage with him.
you couldn't show anything. no tremor. no extra sparkle in your eyes. the world was watching. the cameras, the journalists, the most attentive fans on the planet. any slip-up could become a story. any misplaced look could become a rumor. and you weren't even six months into your career. you couldn't risk it. but he was there.
you were sitting in the audience reserved for girl groups, waiting for your turn to perform. the stage shone with bright lights, and screams echoed from every corner, and when they announced bigbang, audience went wild.
he appeared last. black suit, impeccable hair, serene posture. the fans screamed as if it were the first time. he seemed oblivious to everything, as always.
— "here comes your downfall" — whispered sooyun, the most mocking of the group, hiding her laughter behind her hand.
yeji, the maknae, pouted dramatically.
— "who cares about t.o.p when we have taeyang.." — sooyun added.
— "d'you guys forget we're being filmed?" — menji whispered. wasn't for nothing that she was considered the "mother" of group.
everyone laughed softly. you didn't say anything. just kept your eyes on him. trying to hide it. trying to control yourself.
the "bang bang bang" beat started and the stadium went wild. the boys appeared with an absurd amount of energy, and t.o.p... well, he was an eclipse there in the middle. without trying, he dominated the stage. every step. every look. every syllable that came out of his mouth seemed to hit you like a warm wave.
when the performance ended, the announcement came over the earpiece. you would be called to the stage in a few minutes. Along with them. to announce the winner of night.
you went up on stage and lined up. and then came the traditional moment. before the official announcement, the two groups were supposed to meet in center of the stage, bow to each other, and exchange a few words. a gesture of respect, but also a small, light interaction. t.o.p looked at the screen, serious, elegant. and you felt your stomach tighten. he was steps away.
the girls approached first. you bowed in sync. the boys bowed back. t.o.p bowed softly too. when you straightened up, he was by your side.
— "yeah.. they didn't come to play around." — g-dragon joked when he heard the noise from the audience when his group was mentioned.
the laughter was spontaneous, with a gesture of politeness and friendliness. even because you weren't the only one who had a crush on someone there. almost everyone did too.
he had a discreet smile on the corner of his lips. he crossed his arms and said, in a calm tone, to no one in particular:
— "it seems we have powerful opponents this year, huh?" — you smiled.
of course you smiled. everything that came out of his mouth was sacred to you. you smiled too much. and him being there, by your side, arms almost touching, didn't help you contain yourself.