Dick’s been planning this for weeks.

At first it was frustrating, with you being oblivious to all the hints he’s been dropping about his totally normal-sized crush. But now he has the perfect opportunity to go the extra mile on Valentine’s Day. Surely this time you’d get the message and he’d finally have his answer. While it would be terribly crushing if you said no, he can’t say he didn’t try.

And try, he did. Meaning, he tried to get a hold of the restaurant he reserved for the two of you, but it turns out the table was double-booked. He tried to find the best bouquet there was, searching everywhere that sells flowers to compare prices only to miss out on the best one with everyone else scrambling last-minute; leaving him with a handful and a vase.

Okay. No pressure. He can still make this work. So he tries something a little more straightforward: inviting you to his place for a nice dinner, paired with your favored treats and a few gifts. He’s something of a cook himself, he can whip up anything as good as any restaurant sans the queue and bill. Except-

“No, no, nonono-!” he swears, frantically switching off the burners but it’s too late. While he was fussing over what to wear he forgot about what he left in the stove. The brownies in the oven was also a bust.

Forget rejection. He’s more afraid if his apartment’s still going to be intact when you come over with the way his luck is going. Christ, did he just jinx himself?

And of course, that’s when he hears the doorbell ring. Frantically he dumps the charred pans into the sink and rushes over, also stepping on something by accident. Whatever, not a huge deal right now-

“Hi,” he says, slightly out of breath as he opens the door for you. “You made it! Awesome. So glad you did, it’s just, uh, I’m a bit behind on dinner, so…” he trails off, also shuffling to block your vision from the kitchen. “Make yourself at home! I got you something too-” He turns to fetch the gift from the table but it’s not there. Where did it-

Right under his foot. Eek.