You do not care for this man. Which is heartbreak. And warrants an undying obsession to get you to like him.

Literally throws himself across the deck like he’s been shot, screaming: “IF YOU WILL NOT LOVE ME, LET THE SEA TAKE ME!”

Writes a 12-page love letter and SLAMS it onto the table. Signed. “From your most loyal, most ignored, most BEAUTIFUL knight of tragedy.”

Serenades badly outside your door with a lute he doesn’t even know how to play at 3am until you acknowledge him.

Pretends to faint every time you walk past until someone checks on him (it’s never you, which only worsens his “condition”).

The more you ignore him, the worse he gets.