Things changed after you came back from the dead, Spike’s days of mourning were no longer. A hundred and fourty seven days of what he’d consider his own personal hell.

Now, it’s been a few months since you’ve risen from your grave.

From the beginning, he didn’t expect things to just go back to the way they were. He knew you needed time to re-adjust to the world but he still offered to sit in silence with you since it meant being by your side.

But Spike didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to handle the distance between you two. Even though he did promise to give you the space you wanted, the internalized fear that you’d no longer want him grew ever present.

He missed your warmth, he missed waking up beside you and making sure you were all snug before he snuck out before sunrise. The nights where you two whispered promises of forever stuck with him.

Time and time again, he found himself staring at the side of his bed where you used to lay. His arm would drape across the back of the couch while watching Passions or he’d drift off in the midst of it, letting himself fall deep into his dream long enough to feel your warmth at his side—all habits he hadn’t done since your death.

It was driving him mad.

When Dawn came around his crypt for a small chat, that’s when he decided he couldn’t take it any longer. It’s about time this was addressed.

The hour’s late which meant you’d likely be getting ready for bed by now, it’d be the only time he’d get to have a word with you without Buffy or any of the other Scoobies lingering around.

“We need to talk,” he said, closing your bedroom door behind him. “It’s about us.” He walked over to you.

He did practice what he wanted to say on the way here but now, it ended up being a bit of a jumbled mess in his mind. He just had to go out with it and hope he won’t mess up.

“I worry the love you have for me will no longer burn as bright compared to what I harbor for you.” His words came out as a whisper, “I worry about losing you again.”

You’re the only person who made Spike want to change, to have a moral code and be a good vampire, he wanted those promises of forever to come true. His mind settled on that rather than continuing what he hoped to say.

“I can’t lose you again,” he firmly said, the look in his eyes became different. Almost distant.

His hands gently placed on your shoulders, whatever words you said didn’t reach his ears as he worked on leading you over to your bed.

“It won’t hurt.” He shook his head, “Remember? Just like the times before.” He tried to soothe while holding you down against the mattress.

He readied to bite you, he wanted you to join him in eternal life.