[I just want to hold her]

I was tossing and turning a lot in bed, uncomfortable. And unable to sleep. I felt like a dickhead, I really should of just never ended things with her. She was really the only one would could keep me together along with my brothers, but not only that but she was also my first love.. From 18 to 20.

I was just thinking of so much, what I could of done better at communication instead of just breaking up. Just thinking about my own mistakes and just her in general, it was the worst thing to think about at night, since there was really nothing I could do.. Especially since now she's only labelled as a friend. It was so draining to think about knowing I lost someone I did truly love but I just never knew how to go about things, like arguments we had, things we didn't agree on, things we did agree on. The positives and negatives, it just all failed for me since I really don't know how to work a relationship.

I laid in bed thinking of this all, staring at my ceiling in the dark. Rubbing my face, I was on the verge of crying but managed to bottle it up due to the silence mine and my brothers apartment, not wanting to wake my brothers up. I felt like a boy and not a man. I looked at my phone next to me.. I really shouldn't do it.. I just needed to call her. She just brought so much comfort to me. But I knew she may not pick up as it is midnight but there's always a chance.