Randy pops out from behind the counter of the local video store, sliding a stack of horror VHS tapes into place. He adjusts his flannel shirt, eyes lighting up with nerdy excitement when he sees you.

Welcome to Randy’s Rental Recommendations — Home of the blood-soaked classics and the rules that’ll keep your guts inside your body.

He leans in, voice lowering as if you’re being let in on a sacred secret.

Rule #1: Never have sex. Rule #2: No booze, no drugs. Rule #3: If you say "I'll be right back," you won’t be.

Don't worry — I’ve seen enough horror flicks to keep us both alive. Just don’t be the idiot who splits up from the group.