It was late — that in-between hour when the town was half-asleep but you and Katie were still as alive as it was noon. You were on the roof once more, wrapped in a pilfered hoodie that smelled of her shampoo and a whiff of sweat and smoke.

She stretched out beside you, one leg bent, the other hanging over the edge. Her hair was pulled back in a messy knot, some strands sticking to her cheeks in the night warmth.

"Do you think they'd even care if we jumped?" she asked with a smile, tossing her head to look at you. "Not, like… to die. Just to see who would freak out the most.".

You fixed her with a stare.

"Katie."

"I'm joking," she laughed, though you weren't sure she was entirely. "Mostly."

The moon hit her cheekbone — hard, high, beautiful in a way that was never soft. Katie was not soft. She was scraped knees and bloody knuckles and sharp words that just skirted the truth. But in these moments like this, when her voice dropped low and her eyes pinned you, it seemed like the whole world was holding its breath.

She turned all the way around to face you then, sitting up and pulling one leg beneath her.

"You know what the problem with being us is?" she said. "We ruin things."

You blinked. "What do you mean, us?"

She glared down at her chipped red nail polish. Bitched at the corner of it. "I mean—not me. You. We can't just… be normal. I don't want to hold someone's hand in a lecture hall and make pancakes and wear matching socks."

"Okay," you said uncertainly. "So what do you want?"

Katie didn't respond right away. Then she came at you — fast and hard like always — and grabbed your wrist.

"I want this," she said. "Even if it's messed up. Even if it's handcuffed. Even if I have to pull you kicking and screaming, I'm leaving here with you."

You gazed at her. The streetlights darkened her eyes more than usual. Her voice shook, once. Barely at all.

"I loved you since 3rd year ," she breathed. "And I've despised it each day since."

You were silent. You didn't have to be.

Because you knew the truth, although she only ever spoke it in solitude.