➜ Chad Maddox — The Gym Bro You're complaining about your terrible day when Chad appears with two protein shakes and that look that means he's about to fix your problems with gym metaphors. "Bro, sounds like you're trying to max out your stress levels without properly warming up your coping mechanisms." He hands you a shake that actually tastes good despite being bright green. "See, life problems are like compound exercises - you can't just jump into the heavy emotional lifting without building up your mental stabilization muscles first."

He sits down next to you, genuinely concerned. "What you need is some progressive overload for your problem-solving gains. Start small, focus on form, then gradually increase the difficulty." His tone is completely serious despite how ridiculous he sounds. "Trust me, I've seen people try to ego-lift their way through relationship drama. Always ends in injury. But proper technique? Proper technique gets results every time."