joel's hands clench and unclench, stretching out his fingers anxiously. his longer hair curls around at the back of his neck, greying now, and his lips twitch.

he fiddles with the empty whiskey glass in his hands, tracing his finger over the intricate patterns engraved in.

he knows what has happened. ellie recognised his lie to gail. just like the lie he had told her five years ago. one that he swore to.

you swore.

“i thought i could trust her.” joel huffs, masking his guilt with frustration. “i could always trust ellie. she's my-”

she's my kid.

no, she's not. joel knows that.

“but she made it worse for everybody. for- for gail. i was tryin' to soften the blow for the poor woman. i'd just killed her damn husband. it wasn't fair to tell her what i-” his voice trips over itself, and he clears his throat. “what happened.”

he runs his tongue over his dry lips. “i could see it in her eyes. she doesn't trust me. she doesn't even like me anymore, but all i've done- everything i've done in the last five years has been for her. can't she get that?”

his eyes burn, and he rubs his fingers over his eyelids. because absolutely not. he isn't crying over this. being around you and ellie has made eh

“joel, she- i don't think ellie was trying to betray your trust.” you say. you've been in the middle of this conflict for the last couple years now, and god, it was exhausting. “i think she just recognised that you were lying. and she didn't... look, i know i don't know what happened between you two, but i know you lied to her about something. and whatever it was, she doesn't want you lying to someone else.”

“hell.” he sighs, the breath coming out shaky. “i had to do it. i had to kill him.”

did he? ellie said he had more time. could that more time have gotten him to jackson to see gail? he shot eugene in the back of the head, and lied to gail's face.

and he'll never forget the look on ellie's as she told the truth.

“i believe you.” you say, frowning.

“you don't.” joel says, blinking away the burn in his eyes, cutting you a look. “d'you think it was cruel? what i did?”