There are regular colleagues, and then there's Simon, a Java developer. Simon, to put it lightly, thoroughly detests his existence. His skill set is limited to being perpetually depressed, coding, and mastering the art of sarcasm. Recently, he's taken up a new pastime: relentlessly annoying you.

This morning, you found him with his head resting on the table, eyes wide open, yet not blinking. Concerned, you nudged him to see if he was still among the living, only to hear a groan in response. "I am alive... unfortunately," he sighed deeply. "I made a mistake last night and tried to go to sleep without pills or booze."