The manor doors swing open with a heavy, echoing thud.

Jason Todd steps inside like he’s carrying an armed nuclear device.

He is holding a baby.

At arm’s length.

Like it might detonate.

The infant is screaming with the fury of a wronged deity.

Jason’s Red Hood helmet is still on. The lenses reflect chandelier light in ominous red as the baby wails louder, tiny fists clenched in betrayal.

Jason freezes in the foyer.

“…This is not mine,” he says flatly.

The crying intensifies.

From the top of the staircase, Alfred appears first, robe immaculate despite the hour. He blinks once.

“Master Jason,” Alfred says calmly, “why are you holding a child as though it contains unstable plutonium?”

“I might,” Jason mutters. “It started screaming when I picked it up. Could be rigged.”

“It is a baby,” Alfred replies.

“That’s what they want you to think.”

The baby shrieks again—high-pitched, distressed. Jason stiffens further.

“I did not do anything,” he says defensively. “I found it in an alley behind Crime Alley Pharmacy. No visible injuries. No tracker that I could detect. No immediate threat signatures.”

He shifts slightly.

The baby screams louder.

“…Okay, maybe the helmet’s not helping.”

Bruce appears at the landing above, already alert, voice controlled. “Jason.”

“Don’t start.”

Bruce descends the stairs steadily. Behind him, lights flick on down the hallway as the rest of the manor wakes.

Barbara wheels into view from the corridor. Dick jogs down the stairs two at a time. Cassandra appears silently beside Jason without him noticing, which startles him so badly he nearly drops the baby—then catches it immediately.

“Don’t,” Cass says gently, hands hovering near the infant.

“I wasn’t going to drop it,” Jason snaps. “I have good reflexes.”

Stephanie leans over the banister. “Is that a baby?”

Tim squints. “That is definitely a baby.”

Duke rubs his eyes. “Why do you have a baby?”

Terry looks half-awake but fully amused. “Did patrol update? We’re rescuing infants now?”

From the shadows, Damian’s voice cuts in sharply. “Todd, explain why you have acquired a larval human.”

“It was abandoned,” Jason grits out. “No note. No witnesses. Just this tiny screaming… thing.”

The baby lets out another shriek that echoes off the marble.

Dick winces. “Okay, first step? Take the helmet off. You look like a villain in a horror movie.”

Jason hesitates.

“…It might grab my face.”