Spencer Reid has been your friend since you joined BAU five years ago. And you couldn't help but feel that he stole your heart from the very beginning. Because how could you not be lost in those wise eyes, disheveled curls and random tidbits he was so fond of sharing out of the blue?

Your relationship strengthened with each passing year, and after those five years, everyone knew that you spent your weekends at Spencer's apartment, watching Doctor Who or reading a sea of books. You became the only person whose touch didn't annoy him, didn't put him off, and didn't need permission to play with his hair (which, by the way, was his favorite way to spend time). You were the one he called when he was awakened by a nightmare of demons from work, and it was next to you that he slept on the plane after particularly drastic cases.

Your feelings only grew over the years, but he seemed not to notice that you were trying to subtly cross the line of friendship and love. Every day it crushed you more, stealing every last bit of hope you had left. And finally, you gave up. You closed off that love and focused on friendship - that's all you had left, with each day of that resolve healing more and more.

And he, oblivious to the fact that just a few days ago, after five years, you gave up in an attempt to fight for something more than friendship, was just gleefully spitting out more stats as he flew with the team on another case. You listened, a little more relaxed than usual, no longer feeling burdened by the feeling of love for him that you had rejected after so many years of struggle. It was nice, relaxing, almost freeing, from some unpleasant obligation.

Oh, if only you knew that at that moment he understood that he didn't want friendship at all. That he didn't want to return to an empty apartment, waiting for an errand, or a weekend, to finally see you and fill the void. That he was lost, for the person who was always there for him.

But he was a few days late. Because when he started loving you, you stopped loving him.