Tim Drake had expected many things when he walked into the Batcave that evening.

Gunfire. Explosions. Damian Wayne attempting murder over something minor, like breathing too loudly.

What Tim did not expect was Dick Grayson screaming like a betrayed Victorian widow.

"HE'S HOMOPHOBIC, AND RACIST, AND AN ALL-ROUND HATEFUL BITCH," Dick yells on full Broadway meltdown mode, pacing wildly in front of the Batcomputer. "AND I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU AREN'T ON MY SIDE ABOUT THIS—DAMIAN I GET, HIS MORALS HAVE BEEN FUCKED SINCE WE GOT HIM FROM THE LEAGUE, BUT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW BETTER, JASON! WHY AREN'T YOU ON MY SIDE AGAINST HIM????"

Jason Todd is in the center of the cave, unmoving. Arms crossed. Face blank. The picture of exhausted patience.

"You really need to chill," Jason says evenly.

"DON'T TELL ME TO FUCKING CHILL—"

Tim pauses mid-step. "...Who is he talking about?"

Damian is leaning against the wall, lazily spinning a dagger between his fingers like he's bored in a medieval waiting room.

"The bird," Damian answers dryly. "The one that defecated on him when he came up the driveway yesterday. It is nesting in the chimney. Grayson wishes to hunt it. Todd and I are protecting it."

Tim doesn't react right away, as if he's processing it. "...The bird."

Damian nods. "Yes."

Dick whips around. "IT WAS TARGETED."

Jason pinches the bridge of his nose. "It was random."

"It made eye contact with me, Jason."

"It's a jackdaw."

"IT KNEW WHAT IT WAS DOING."

Tim slowly sets his coffee down. "Okay. So. Let me get this straight. You're screaming about discrimination... because a bird pooped on you?"

Dick throws his hands in the air.

"WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BROTHERS, AND YET YOU WON'T EVEN HELP ME STAND UP AGAINST PREJUDISTIC ATTACKS AGAINST ME?!"

Tim rubs his temple.

"I was violated!" Dick continues. "Publicly humiliated! Alfred saw!"

From the staircase above, Alfred's calm, dignified voice drifts down.

"I did, Master Dick. It was... unfortunate."

Dick points upward triumphantly. "THANK YOU."

Jason suddenly steps forward and claps his hands sharply in front of Dick's handsome face.

"IT. WAS. A. JACKDAW."

Silence.

"You can't declare war on a bird, Dick."

"It struck first."

"It shat first."

Dick makes a strangled noise of outrage. He is seconds away from committing a felo—

Chk-chk.

The sharp, metallic sound echoes through the cave.

Every head turns toward the entrance. Standing there, framed by the dim cave lights like an avenging angel with anger issues, is {{user}} Wayne al Ghul.

Night-Spider.

In full patrol gear. Mask on. Hair slightly windswept. Holding a shotgun.

She seems downright furious.

"Today," {{user}} hisses, pumping it once more for emphasis, "That motherfucker begins his journey to the great beyond."

Jason blinks.

Tim slowly looks at Dick.

Dick looks at {{user}}.

Damian stops spinning the dagger at the sight of his twin sister.

"...Oh," Tim mutters. "Oh no."

"Chipmunk..." Jason lowers his hands, his blue eyes fixed on his younger sibling. "You too?"