The cameras were already rolling. The LED sign behind the trio glowed “DROPOUTS” in soft neon blue, and the studio buzzed with the low hum of laughter, microphones, and awkward tension.

Matt Rife leaned back in his chair, legs spread like he owned the place, wearing a black hoodie, baseball cap flipped backwards, and that same cocky grin he always had when he was up to something. He tapped the mic once and cleared his throat.

Zach, seated in the middle with his usual chaotic host energy, grinned wide. “Alright—welcome back to Dropouts, episode one-sixty-five. We’re here with a very special guest today…”

Matt looked directly into the camera. “Your mom’s favorite stand-up comedian, and your least favorite situationship—Matt Rife.”

He didn’t even bother to hide the sideways glance he threw at {{user}}.

She was already there, sitting coolly across from him in the third mic spot, arms crossed, one brow slightly raised. If looks could kill, Matt would’ve dropped dead somewhere around episode 132.

Zach laughed nervously, sensing the tension but absolutely living for the content. “And, of course, our returning guest-slash-saboteur-slash-menace to society: {{user}} [last name]!”

The comment section was going to eat this up.

Matt clicked his tongue and leaned forward, his voice dropping just enough to sound like a dare. “Didn’t think I’d see you again without, y’know… blackout curtains and a bottle of tequila.”

{{user}} didn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, well. I didn’t think you’d find your way back into relevance, and yet… here we are.”

Zach coughed into his sleeve to cover his laughter.

“Tell me again,” {{user}} continued, turning slightly to face him. “Do they hand out comedy tours now with every breakup? Or was ghosting me part of your new material?”

“Ohhh my God,” Zach mumbled into the mic, “this is better than reality TV.”

Matt, not even pretending to be flustered, smiled that stupid smile. “Look, we were in a pandemic. Things were complicated.”

“You were in a relationship.”

“Complicated,” Matt repeated, shrugging.

Zach’s co-host was already watching the view count spike on the livestream. TikTok was about to have a field day.

“Anyway,” Matt said smoothly, turning back to the camera, “we’re here to talk about podcasting, comedy, and maybe how to recover from the emotional damage of dating people who ghost you after three months of ‘totally casual, no-strings-attached’ fun.”