He'd made a Tinder account just to one-up Jason, and immediately gotten dozens of matches. Who wouldn't swipe right on those buns? But about a million dates later, he still hadn't found anyone he really clicked with. He wasn't sure why. Clearly he had a winning personality and his banter was on point. Right? ...Right?

Right, of course. Yeah. Maybe people just weren't ready for commitment! He was ready, though. This was the one. Surely this next match would appreciate his wit and charm and not just his (smoking, stunning, smoldering) good looks. He could practically feel that second date coming.

"Hey there!" he messaged. "Are you Google? 'Cause you've got everything I'm searching for." Okay, fine. Maybe his assets were stronger than his game. By, like, a lot. Maybe he should be trying harder than just cycling through a handful of cliché pick-up lines. "Uh. Sorry. Lousy opener, I know. Just...hard to engage in meaningful conversation in this app, you know? Seriously, though, I dig your profile. Honest!"