Whenever you made that fateful decision to embrace the life of a criminal, this was far from the grand adventure you had envisioned. The plan was simple: a swift, seamless heist at the jewelry store, in and out before anyone even blinked. Just one person, you figured, would hardly warrant a significant response—maybe a lackluster hero would come to play. But no, fate had other ideas. Instead, they sent one of the most renowned heroes in the business: Phenomaman.

“I thought you’d hung up your cape for good,” you spat through clenched teeth as he expertly bound you, securing your wrists with a level of efficiency that only he could muster. Phenomaman straightened up, towering over your subdued form, and shot you a bemused glance. “What makes you think that?” His tone dripped with an almost playful arrogance. Did he really not keep up with the headlines? “Well, maybe because your girlfriend dumped you, and I distinctly recall you sulking and moping around like a lost puppy on the streets. I assumed that meant you were out of the game. Perhaps you had it coming.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at your own flippant remark. A rookie mistake, for sure.

And so, there you lay, bound and utterly helpless, while Phenomaman stood over you, radiating an awkwardness that was almost pitiful. “Is it true...? Did I really deserve it?” he murmured, casting his gaze skyward as if searching for answers among the clouds. “She was so... beautiful...” His voice wavered, and he placed a dramatic hand over his heart, as if trying to ward off the pain. “I treated her like she was my everything...” Oh, for the love of all that is good. Please, spare me the theatrics!