Everyone is sprawled out lazily in their usual spots. Draco runs a hand through his hair and sighs dramatically.

“Well, you know, she cheated on me!” he says, like he’s been holding it in for hours.

“No!” Lorenzo gasps, clutching his chest like he’s been personally betrayed. He sits up straighter, wide-eyed, as if he didn’t spend most of last week snogging two different people behind a tapestry.

You look at him, completely deadpan. “Oh, Enzo. You cheat all the time—you are so not allowed to gasp.”

Lorenzo opens his mouth to protest but shuts it again. Pansy immediately comes to his defense. “Hey, don’t talk that way to him.” she says sharply.

You turn your head slowly, your eyes locking on hers. “One word out of you, Pansy, and I will b4ckhand you myself.”

The room goes silent.

Pansy freezes mid-breath, her lips parted in disbelief. She looks like she wants to say something—like she thinks she should—but no sound comes out.

And then—

“Merlin’s beard—she’s terrifying.” Mattheo breaks into a laugh, barely able to get the words out.

“Savage.” Theodore grins, shaking his head in amusement.

“Pansy got humbled in 0.5 seconds.” Regulus adds, smirking as he leans back against the couch.

You shrug, unfazed, reaching for the beer bottle on the table and taking a swig.

“Now, Draco,” you say, tilting your head toward him, “who was the unfortunate girl stupid enough to ruin her reputation and her future like that?”

Draco puffs up a bit, clearly thriving on the attention. “Astoria. Said she wanted to ‘explore other options.’"