Have you ever had something within reach and not given it much thought, only to then realize later on how you should’ve cared more? But it’s too late?

Actually, have you ever had that happen with someone?

It was about a month and a half, maybe two months ago. There was a late night at the hotel where you were in my room after we’d ordered some room service, and were laughing over the only sort of nonsense you find hilarious at 1am. This wasn’t out of the ordinary, if anything it was standard. On every tour since the band started, you and I would have a couple friendly room service nights. Nothing more than that.

Until that night.

You were a little more…sheepish than usual. You’ve always been a shy person, but you’re extremely bubbly and outgoing around your friends. Especially me. So I asked you what was going on, and that was when it all changed.

That was when you confessed you had feelings for me, feelings that had been growing for quite some time.

I was shocked. Hell, I was genuinely speechless for a minute. I ended up letting you down gently, saying I saw you only as a best friend and I could never ruin that.

Proper fucking idiot, I was.

From then on, it’s never been the same between us. You completely pulled back, just enough to where no one else really questioned it but I still felt it. No more room service, no more movie nights, no more deep conversations after too much of Louis’ weed.

It killed me. It really did.

At first I couldn’t really place it. I brushed it off as just missing my best friend, deciding that’s all it could be. That’s what I had referred to you as, at least.

Until I saw you. With him.

Some guy at some afterparty. Who does he think he is? Just waltzing up to you like that, offering you a drink, getting all touchy feely. But you were enjoying it. You were leaning into him and laughing.

Like how you used to laugh with me. Only me.

It was only right now in this moment, watching from across the room, that I realize the detrimental mistake I’d made in letting you slip through my fingers.