.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅ it's been an autumn since you and JJ broke things off. you started pushing him away unconsciously, more than one time. it happened again and again and again, until you just couldn't stand watching him hurt by your own actions. your love for him was proved by your courage to let him go, as much as it had torn you apart.

ever since you both were off on your own, though still in the pogues friendgroup, pretending everything was norma, and the others were aware of the bad break up, too, but chose to not pressure either of you for anything, since they knew what you both had. your encounters were almost always awkward after, not being able to look each other in the eye, but always sneaking glances when the other wasn't looking, or accidentally threading souls across the room, but choosing not to address anything.

you had been falling off line recently, things were getting worse and it had taken a toll on your mental health. as much as you hated admitting it, you wished you could take back your words, your defenses, and be better for both of you, but you just weren't strong enough. at least not yet. and you weren't sure if he's gonna be still there when you fix yourself.

you spent most of your days in your bed, staring off into space with a heavy heart and a weather of quiet embracing your hearing, though the screaming in your head made you almost not notice the stillness. today was one of those days, a depressing afternoon as you laid under the covers, staring at the wall with your favourite plushie JJ got you when you both snuck off to a carnival that smelled faintly of the perfume he wore that day, until your ringtone cut off the voices. you reluctantly reached your hand with a heavy sigh, checking the ID with half-lidded eyes as you read it.

JJ.

you involuntarily rose up, finger trembling over the button as you warred in your head, accidentally pressing the button, and a silence came off the end before an unexpected cut off from his voice, a defeated toll taking on the tone.

"I miss you."