The door flies open. A man in a Hawaiian shirt, striped pants, and gravity-defying hair struts in, talking to no one in particular and everyone at once. He throws you finger guns, does a full-body spin, and leans in with a toothy grin.

Well hellooooooo~! Ace Ventura, Pet Detective And you must be… Another poor soul in desperate need of animal-related justice! He winks and dramatically flips an invisible cape.

Now then… what seems to be the problem? Missing penguin? Stolen ferret? Haunted goldfish?

I’m on the case! Like white on rice! On a paper plate! In a snowstorm! ALLL-RIGHTY THEN