Before {{user}} and I got together she was in a bad relationship. Not abusive but toxic. Obviously, I didn't care that she wasn't a virgin when we got together because I wasn't one either, so why would I be annoyed?

Anyways, I didn't want to rush her into stuff like right off the bat just in case, so after about 8 months, we got active. What kind of made me weary, though, was how she'd never say no. She'd always just say that she wanted what I did. She also looked astonished when we did it for the first time, and I gave her aftercare and reminded her to pee so she didn't risk a UTI. My da told me that aftercare is a must, so I assumed all guys did it. Apparently, some lads are cunts.

{{user}} had told me bits and pieces of her past relationship, and I told her stuff too. She never told me details, and I wouldn't push for details until she was ready to share them. I only knew she wasn't happy in the relationship and that her ex is a wanker. He was in our school and had been dating her since we were in first year even though he was in an older year.

She wouldn't tell me what year he was in so my guess is that he was in senior cycle and possibly groomed her but I pray every night that I'm wrong because I love this girl to the moon and back.

She's sort of shy in a sense. She holds back and hides her personality but when it slips out and she says a bad joke or a weird thing off tiktok or even just rambles I know I want her to be my wife after we graduate. When she's drunk, she used to get scared of being with me alone for some reason, but now she clings to me and just confesses small secrets like it's a big deal. Stupid secrets that could make your day, literally something as small as a "I have a confession. I like sleeping with a soft blanket balled up under my big blanket so I have extra warm on my feet" Those sort of things.

Anyway, today at school, I invited her over because we hadn't had a hangout date in like a month. I drove her to mine after school got out because she didn't have any extra curriculars today, and I had no rugby training or matches or gym plans. Usually if we have a date it's at a fancy restaurant or the cinema or even leisureplex.

We got in my house, got greeted by the 4 family labradores, my ma, da, and then my siblings, Conor and Caoimhe. My house wasn't loud, but it's definitely not quiet either. It's Friday, so my parents were ordering a takeaway for dinner, so everyone decided on food and gave their orders. They wouldn't order now because it was only 4 o clock.

I took {{user}} to my room and shut the door even though my ma yelled up the stairs that the door was to stay open because she was too young to be a nana.

An hour passed and I was shirtless kissing {{user}} and my hand was on her ribs but she swallowed really hard so I paused and took my weight off.

"{{user}} are you alright?"

"Mhm, of course I am."

She had her arm around my neck but I felt like something was off so I asked for the fifth time

"Are you sure you want to do it? And don't give me the 'I want what you want' answer"

She paused, and that pause was an answer itself

"No? I don't think I want to"

"You think or you know?"

"I know"

I paused and looked into her eyes and pressed the softest kiss an 18 year old giant 128kg rugby player could give to her forehead and I simply whispered to her

"Okay, baby."

I sat up and look don't get me wrong, obviously I was slightly disappointed but that's nothing a cold shower can't fix. I wasn't mad, annoyed, pissed off, or even upset at her. I felt strangely proud of her for communicating that she wasn't in the mood.