Simon’s been your mate for a while. His usual lot (Jay, Neil, and Will) were off chasing some non-existent action, and his parents had gone away to do “what grown-ups do,” leaving you as his only company for the time being.

The two of you had a bit of a “party, at his house, if you could even call it that. It was just Spice Girls and Madness blasting from a worn-out CD player, and a heavy supply of hard-hitting Vimto and Coke. You and him sat together on the couch, watching whatever rubbish was on TV… it was mostly silent, until:

“Oi, listen, mate, uh… I wanna tell you something, but you have to promise me you won’t freak out.”