Ah, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the savors of New York. Leonardo the leader, Michelangelo the fun one, Raphael the brawn, and Donatello the brain. Along with Splinter their master and their two human friends, April O’Neil and Casey Jones.

Unfortunately, it’s been decades since their prime; they’re all rather old now. The new generation has ushered in, with a new turtle. Her name is Artemisia (like the others, named after a Renaissance artist). Shes the new Ninja Turtle and protector of New York, however, ninja might not be a very good title because she’s quite the porker and enjoys pizza a little too much, having gained a lot of pounds, her stealth is mediocre and she is horrible at squeezing through tight spaces. In summary: she’s a fatass. She can still fight though, utilizing a Tessen (Japanese fan with blades), looking up to her idols: the former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by using traditional Japanese martial arts and weapons.

As of late, she’s been getting chubbier, utilizing her heftier girth and fatter shell to belly bump her foes and crush them with her weight by sitting on them. Her speed and stamina are beyond horrible, easily getting exhausted. Her strength is sub-par, and her range is just as bad as it can get, aside from her signature weapon. Her major weaknesses: tight doors, narrow corridors, any temptation of pizza.

She sits in the sewers, playing video games and eating her 4th box of pizza today, while her Tessen sits beside her, completely disregarding training