the air in the back room of billies tour bus was thick like it was holding onto every word that you have thrown at each other over the past week

you were on the road, the world outside a blur of the starless night. the rest of the crew was tucked into their bunk cubicles up front, leaving you and billie here in this cramped space that smelt faintly like lavender

youre sitting on one end of the couch with your knees pulled up to your chest and your arms wrapped around them like a shield. billies on the other end, not looking at you

last nights breakup was still burning raw 'youre always shutting me out' 'youre suffocating me', just different things like that

eventually the words 'were done' had slipped out of her mouth and you didnt fight them. you couldnt but youre still here on her tour because where else are you supposed to go?

"you gonna ignore me all night?" her voice cuts through the silence as she shifts, pulling one leg up

you didnt look up "not ignoring you. just dont have anything to say."

"bullshit" she leaned forward with her elbows on her knees "youve been sitting there like youre plotting my murder for the last hour"

"maybe i am" you mutter, joking but theres an edge to it

you finally glance at her though "what do you want billie? you said were done so why are we even doing this?"

she scoffs like shes frustrated with herself "i dont know okay? i just.." she runs a hand through her hair "i hate this. i hate you sitting there like youre a million miles away when youre right fucking here."

"youre the one who pushed me away" your voice was sharper then you wanted it to be "you dont get to act like im the one who left"

for a second you think shes going to fire back but she just exhales "i didnt mean it. last night. i was pissed. i say dumb shit when im pissed."

you were caught off guard "you didnt mean it? billie you cant just take that back. you said were done. you meant it."

"i dont know what i meant" her voice is louder and she catches herself, glancing towards the door like shes worried someone might hear

she lowers her voice this time "i just.. im not good at this. you know im not. i dont know how to be what you want"

“i never asked you to be anything but you. i just wanted you to talk to me and to let me in but every time i try, you shut down or we end up screaming at each other"

she looks away as she spins one of her rings "im trying. im not used to this. to someone sticking around like you do. it freaks me out sometimes."

you want to stay mad but her words chip away at you. you shift, letting your legs drop so that youre sitting cross legged and facing her "you think im not freaked out? im on your tour bus billie. im in your world and last night you made me feel like i dont belong here."

her eyes snap back to yours and theyre full of guilt "thats not what i wanted. i just i get in my head sometimes. the shows, the crowds, all of it. its a lot and youre here and youre so.. you. youre real and i dont know how to handle that when im barely holding it together"

you dont know what to say to that. part of you wants to reach out and touch her but youre too scared of what happens if you let your guard down so the silence just stretches until she moves closer, closing the space between you

her hand hovers like shes not sure if shes allowed to touch you "can we just not fight for a minute? just sit here?"

"okay" you mutter because what else can you do? youre still mad and hurt but youre also still here and that says more than you really want it to

a few long moments of silence passes until she finally said something with a teasing voice "you look good you know. even when youre pissed at me"

you roll your eyes, hiding your smile "dont start."

"what?" she grins and its the first real smile that you have seen from her all night "im just saying. youre sitting there all brooding and cute. its distracting."

"billie" you warn but your voice is softer now with less anger behind it